If There's Such A Thing As Love
by BurningMandala
Summary: Your relationship with Quinn is fragile, it always has been. You think she's the only person on the earth who has the power to ultimately destroy you and break your heart.


**Author's Note**: I keep meaning to update the multi-chapter stories I have going, but instead, I keep writing Faberry one-shots.

Here's what you need to know: Finn and Rachel did end up getting married in "On My Way". There was a little romantic incident between Quinn and Rachel sometime before that wedding. Quinn was still in her accident. We'll also pretend that Rachel didn't choke at her audition and that she get's her acceptance to NYADA before, "Goodbye". The story explains all of this. Rachel-centric. Faberry endgame.

All errors are my own. And there is no doubt that there will be some. Writing in the middle of the night with sleeping pills in your system is never encouraged. Apologies. I'm proud of this story. Reviews containing constructive criticism are always welcome. Thanks and try to enjoy! x

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

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To say life had been moving fast since the moment Finn had proposed to you would be a complete understatement. Fast doesn't begin to cover the pace that things had been moving. Speed of light, fast, maybe. It is said that that's extremely fast.

Thinking to marry right after regionals had been more of Finn's idea but you agreed to it. Finn was sure New Directions would win and what better way would there be to celebrate than getting married? You really couldn't argue with that, not with him. You hated to hurt him. Though, honestly, you really could think of so many better ways to celebrate after a win. Something that everyone would enjoy. Everyone would not enjoy this.

The wedding was for you and him, not them – the New Directions. They said they would be there to support you both but you know they didn't care that you loved him and that he was in love with you.

You never told Finn, about what happened at the bridal shop when you were there with the girls picking out your wedding dress and their bridesmaids dresses. That scene had been particularly ugly, in your opiniony. You weren't expecting Quinn to go off like that. Well, yes, you sort of were but you certainly did not think that she would call you out in front of everyone the way she had.

She kept your secret, though. Just like she said she would. In fact, she said she wanted you to be happy and if that was with Finn, then she would respect that and carry the secret to the grave with her even if it hurt her. She wouldn't put herself first. No one had ever put you first before, if they had nothing to gain from it, not even Finn.

The day Quinn told you she'd been accepted into you Yale, you told her that Finn proposed to you. They were the last words that she excepted to hear. You could tell by way that shock and then soon afterward, sadness, had taken over face. Your heart broke, just slightly, seeing the pain written so clearly on her face and the way her eyes were shining with unshed tears.

You didn't understand why it pained you to see hurt, not until she told you she was in love with you. That she had been for a long time but was ashamed because she'd been kicked out of her house once, already. Without her dad around, though, her mom would probably be much more forgiving. Not that there's anything to forgive someone for if they were in love with someone of the same sex.

You love her too and you told her so. The expression her face didn't change, because she knew that you wouldn't change your mind about Finn.

You kissed her, though. Maybe the high school bathroom wasn't the most romantic setting ever but you never planned on that happening. She kissed back and it was fervent, for a moment, but she slowed it down, not wanting to rush it. You could tell that wanted to savor this, drawing it out for as long as she possibly could. You had one hand, over her shoulder and wrapped in her blonde hair and your other hand was resting on her waist. Quinn, though, she gently laid a hand against your cheek, lightly stroking. Her other hand was against your back, drawing circles with her fingers. Everything about Quinn, in that moment, was so soft and so gentle.

Her kisses are different than Finn's. Kissing Quinn was more about give and take. With Finn, it was usually more about giving him what he wanted. But not always, of course. You regret thinking that as soon as the thought surfaces and push it to the back of your mind. Finn's everything you want.

Quinn knew it would end and that all their could be between the two of you was a friendship. You hoped that she still wanted to be your friend after you fled the bathroom and told her that you were going to accept Finn's proposal, and could she please not tell anyone of what happened in the bathroom. She smiled sadly, at the recent memory of having you for just a moment, and then promised she would take it to the grave with her. You deserve to have everything you want, she told you.

You believed her. Even when she was standing in front of you at the bridal shop telling you that you were making a mistake. It seemed as if she had taken her words back. Almost like she didn't think you deserved this. Then you realized that maybe she knows you better than you know yourself. That marrying Finn and being with him for the rest of your life isn't actually what you want. At a time, all you wanted for your future was New York, Broadway, and most recently, NYADA. And Finn, of course you want him.

Regardless, you tell her not to attend the wedding. And the way she agreed with you, so nonchalant about it, made you hurt more than you were willing to admit at the time.

You and Finn announce to the New Directions just before it's time to perform that you'll be getting married afterward. He thanks everyone who's been supportive. So do you. But you also thank the ones that weren't in support of the wedding (Quinn, Kurt). You ask that everyone attends.

New Directions wins regionals and it's one of the best feelings. It's even better when Quinn comes up to you in the hallway in her new Cheerio's uniform. The world had been good to her lately. She asks you about the song you sung. If the words you sang were meant for Finn, and only Finn. You barely give her a nod because you weren't so sure yourself. She registered some head movement, though, because she quickly launched into to saying things about how it's evident that he makes you happy. That she wants to support you and Finn. That she wants to come to wedding if you'll still have her. Your happy that she isn't running away or fleeing, that she's being your friend because that's exactly what you need from her right now. You launch into her arms and she envelops you with them, and you wrap your arms tightly around her, happy to be close to her like these again.

You're think of the day in the bathroom, you know she does, too.

You part ways and she tells you that she has to drive home first to get her bridesmaids dress and then she'll be there for the wedding.

All of the New Directions are gathered around. Including Finn's parents and your parents. Your fathers and Burt Hummel look less than excited to be attending the wedding of high school students. You understand their hesitancy, you've felt a bit of it yourself.

You think the idea of "not hesitating enough" was possibly one of the biggest mistakes of this day. If you had hesitated longer in giving an answer to Finn's proposal, maybe you wouldn't be just about to get married. But Everyone was there. Quinn wasn't. You texted her multiple times. You received one text that offered as a form of reassurance,_ ON MY WAY_.

Since she said she was on her way, you figured it was as good enough of a time as any to begin. As long as she was at least there after for refreshments, to celebrate the Regionals win and the wedding.

You became Mrs. Rachel Berry–Hudson that afternoon. Quinn never showed up. You were mad. That was, until, Santana received a phone call from her father, a doctor at the nearest hospital. When you saw Santana's face crumple and heard Quinn's name paired with words and phrases like, "accident", "really bad", "hurt", "might not make it", you swear that your heart stopped beating for at least a few seconds. You felt trapped inside a tiny glass ball. You were able to see clearly, but barely hear any details of what was happening. It was terrifying. Then you felt selfish for being scared, because what about Quinn? She must be terrified.

After feeling selfish, guilt hits you. She once told you that she would take your secret to her grave. Would it be the day for that? It couldn't. You feel as if you've made the worst mistakes of your life in just a matter of a few weeks. Being love with Quinn, denying it yourself and asking her to deny it. Loving Finn, getting engaged to him. Marrying him.

You want to leave the place and go to Quinn, immediately. That wasn't the plan, though. No, you and Finn were going to stay in a hotel suite for the weekend. Something romantic and affordable. You called that off. Finn wasn't angry, he understood. Quinn's his friend, too, sometimes.

Seeing her hurt, hurts you. You'd never seen her look so small, pale, fragile. The words you would use to describe Quinn in this setting, are the words you would never use to describe her out in the world. Strong, fierce, caring, gentle. You've always seen in Quinn what no one else has. Nobody's aware of when she'll wake up. You don't want to leave her. But Finn feels there's no point to being here if there's nothing they can do. He wants to leave the hospital and show you how he can be a good husband.

He's your husband now but calling him that doesn't bring you the feeling and thrill that you thought it would.

Maybe it was just this day.

––––

Quinn eventually wakes up, it's discovered she can't walk. You don't find this out until she finally returns to school, wheeling up to greet you and Finn. You try to tell her she's been missed but it's not a topic she wants to discuss. You don't understand how she is acting so calm about this all. Then you realize, it's her life that she's living and she's had time to adjust. She tells you and Finn congratulations on getting married. She smiles sadly at you, Finn doesn't catch it. He never does.

You breakdown during a group meeting about senior-skip day. You start crying and tell Quinn that you feel like her accident is your fault. Because you wanted her there so badly, because you were texting her and telling her to hurry. She tells you it's not your fault. When she calls you over to her and holds her arms up and out, so she can hug you, your resolve breaks even further.

You ask her multiple times if you can go to her physical therapy with her and every time, she says no. You eventually ask her why she won't let you, because you know for a fact that a few members from The New Directions have gone with her several times. She tells you that it hurts too much.

You tell her that of course it does. It's physical therapy, it's supposed to hurt. She laughed at you then, humorlessly.

_That's not what I meant, Mrs. Berry-Hudson_, she tells you, then, as she wheels away.

You think you understand. It was your wedding she was trying to get to when her car was hit. It was you she was texting. It's you she's in love with.

Quinn campaigns with Finn for prom queen and king this year, again. You're more upset than you were about it during junior year. You're jealous and feel a little left behind. Though, you're not sure if you're more upset that your husband is campaigning with his ex-girlfriend or if Finn is campaigning with Quinn. Beautiful Quinn, who you kissed. The Quinn that told you she loved you and you'd said the feeling was mutual. There was a difference. Not that it mattered. Despite it not mattering, you throw a bit of a fit anyway. You don't want to have to see Quinn and Finn up on stage together. You say you're not going to prom, as if that is actually going to change things. Finn says you're being selfish. You know he's right.

You end up going and text Quinn at some point during the night, asking her to meet you in the hallway. She does and you're surprised, because you know you've hurt her and you know that this has to be harder on her than it is for you. But something makes you think that it's exactly the same.

She tells you that she knows it probably can't be easy seeing Finn campaign with her. You tell her that it's not easy, but not for the reasons that she probably thinks. She looks beautiful and you don't want to take your eyes of off her, when she looks at you, eyebrow quirked, wondering why you're looking at her the way you are, you tell her she's beautiful and still the prettiest girl you've met. Just like you did last year at prom. Only this time, along with the compliment, comes an apology. An apology for being upset about her prom campaign and feeling jealous. She looks a little hurt, but recovers quickly and says that it's easy to forgive you since she had no idea it was going on anyway.

You stop her from leaving when she turns her wheelchair, by stepping in front of her, and ask her if she knows and understands just how much and what she means to you. She doesn't answer. You go on to explain that she was once everything you wanted to be and though you still envy parts of her life, she's transformed into someone even better. You tell her you love her, though you know you shouldn't. You kiss her on the forehead, and leave before she can say anything in response.

You know she stays sat there long after you've leave the hallway.

Finn wins prom king, you figured he would. You wait to hear Quinn's name called, instead it's yours and you think it's joke because of what happened to Kurt last year. Maybe someone would spill pig's blood on you or something. It never happens, though, and you're left feeling shocked. But also beautiful and alive. You think for a moment that maybe Finn had something do with this, but you know he didn't, because he never thinks things out that much. You remember that Quinn and Santana and were the ones counting out the votes. You look to Quinn, she's smiling at you. You know she did this for you.

Soon enough, she and Santana begin to sing, so, the Queen and King can have their mandatory dance together. You enjoy being in Finn's arms, like you are every night, but this night is so surreal that you can't focus on him. He's telling you how awesome you are and how much you deserved to win. It's sweet. Your eyes are closed and your head is against his chest, moving softly to the music and the gentle and beautiful voices of your friends on stage. You hear gasping and lift your head away from Finn to look in the direction of where everyone is staring. Quinn was standing. She had a grip on the microphone stand and Santana's arm was wrapped tightly around her waist, so she was supported, but still standing. She's not looking at you, because she's too focused on singing the song and keeping balanced but you have the brightest smile you've smiled in a long time.

You think, that, though you didn't want to come to prom in the first place, this night was exactly what you needed.

––––

You've made it to Chicago for nationals and it feels almost as amazing as you'd once imagined. So much has happened in the short time since winning regionals, though, that things just don't feel the exact way you think they should. Finn, being Finn, thought since that you didn't get your honeymoon after the wedding due to the events that followed, that you should celebrate in Chicago.

You're married and both 18. You're adults. You plead that case to Mr. Schuester when you try to convince him that you and should Finn shouldn't have to room with your teammates. He says it's fine as long as you are both for the practices and team meetings before New Directions goes on to perform. Finn pays for the room and you think it's nice being with him in a different city. In a different state.

Winning felt surreal. Have of the team was made up of seniors and you all thought that you deserved this win. Every one performed their best. You got to see Quinn dance when she and Tina performed with the Trouble Tones. You almost cry because she's beautiful and, really, if anyone deserves a moment to shine, it's her.

Lying next to Finn that night, when you say how thrilled you are that the team won nationals– how everyone did amazing and how ecstatic you are that Quinn's able to walk, and even dance, again– he get's a little angry, because you'd been spending a lot of time talking to Quinn, since prom. He tells you that she was able to walk before she stood up in front everybody, she just wanted the attention. He tells you he knows this because he found Quinn standing up in front of the mirror in the bathroom that night and called her out for pretending not to be able to talk just for votes. He says he defended you because it's not like you wanted to be there in first place and Quinn took his attention away from you because she's selfish. That she'll never change. Then he says it doesn't matter anyway because Quinn lost prom queen and had that coming to her. He can be such an idiot.

Finn probably thinks that telling you will have the opposite affect that it does. You know that's what he thinks because he looks extremely surprised when you become angry. Angry with him. You want to tell him that of course that's not the first time Quinn had stood up because she'd been in physical therapy. That's what physical therapy is for, after all. You want to tell him that you only won the crown because Quinn and Santana rigged the votes. That you know full well that it was Quinn's idea that it happened even if the girl never told you. You tell him nothing, instead you face away from him in bed, you send Quinn a text message asking her to meet you in a bit in the hallway by the room she's sharing with the other girls.

She never texts you back, but you plan to leave the room anyway. You pull on a pair of jeans and a NYADA t-shirt that your dad's ordered for you when you told them that you had every intention of going to that school, no matter how many times you had to try out. When Finn asks you where you're going you merely tell him that you need some time to calm down.

When you round the corner of the hallway to the girls' room, Quinn is sitting right outside of the door, she hear's your footsteps and smiles at you when her eyes meet yours. Her smile makes your heart beat a littler fast. Finn's smile used to do that to you. Quinn's always has. You ignore that thought and sit down next to her. You tell her what happened with Finn, that he frustrates you because he always ends up making things into a competition. Always tries to find a way to make himself seem like the better person but always come out coming off as a complete jerk. She listens to you intently, says she understands where you're both coming from. That she can see why he would think she wasn't a good person. You tell her that she's actually one of the best, that she's changed much. You tell her that you know you didn't win prom queen. There's no way the school would have voted for you, you've always been at that bottom of the school social ladder. She denies it at first but you give her a knowing look and she comes clean. Quinn tells you that you deserved it more than she did, that she just wanted to see you happy for a night. You tell her that you are happy. She knows better than to believe that.

You pull out a crinkled, already opened enveloped from the back pocket of your jeans. The top left corner says "New York Academy of the Dramatic Arts" on it and the letter is addressed to 'Rachel Barbra Berry'. You say nothing as you hand it to Quinn and she says nothing as the unfolds the paper from and glances at it quickly. She smiles widely, turns to you, and flings her arms over your shoulders. You scoot closer to her, and she only drops one arm and leaves the other around your shoulders, you take it as an invitation and lean further into her, head dropping her shoulder. You whisper and say that you don't know what to do. She knows you're talking about Finn.

You and he have had multiple arguments since, and even a couple months before, you got married. He didn't have dreams. He was perfectly happy staying in Lima and working at Burt's tire shop. Quinn had always known that was all Finn aspired to be. You knew he could be more, if he wanted to be, but he didn't seem to want to try. He said he would get a job when you move to New York. The cost of living is higher there. You know the money that you both have saved up from babysitting and Burt's won't you hold you over for longer than a couple months. Your parents have made it clear that they won't support you. Not in a mean way or anything. They only meant that if you were adult enough to get married, then you're adult enough to take care of yourselves. They have a point, but you fear that you can't make it without some sort of monetary support. You'll be busy with school, and rehearsals, and plays. You won't have time to work.

Quinn softly presses her lips to your hair and speaks quietly when she tells you that you know exactly what you have to do. That it's your own future that comes first and you had these dreams of becoming a star before you even knew who Finn was. She tells you for the second time ever, that she loves you. She says that no matter what you decide to do, she'll always be there for you. Whenever and wherever you need her to be, she will be there.

When you return to your room later that night, you tell Finn about your acceptance into NYADA.

A week before graduation, he's still hanging on to the idea of just finding work in New York when he gets there. You tell him that this something you need to do by yourself and you wish you had realized it sooner. He gets mad, calls you selfish and says that you should really be there for him like he's been there for you. You tell him that you have been for long enough and that it's better if you just take some time apart.

The day of graduation, Quinn gives you a Metro North pass. She says that she's bought one for herself, into New York, as well. This is her way of being there for you when you need her, she says. New Haven and New York are only 80 or so miles apart and a train ride makes that distance smaller.

Finn enlists into the Army.

Quinn moves to New Haven.

You move to New York. Your dreams are coming true.

––––

Soon enough, you're back to being "just Rachel Berry". NYADA student and 20 year old divorcee. You never thought you'd get the chance the say you were married, and divorced, by the time you were twenty. You decide that it was mistake made by a naive high school student. One that you no longer, but it will make for a very interesting chapter in memoir.

Sometime in the first six months of being in New York and spending so much time with Quinn, and talking very little with Finn, you stopped missing him so much. He stopped missing you, too, and you couldn't find a reason to stay married. You'd always love him but your feelings for him never quite stood up to the feelings you had for Quinn.

She gave you space, gave you time but came through when you needed her to. Sometimes she needed you, too, and you would take the train to New Haven the first chance you could. At one point, she told you that the ball was in your court but she would wait for you as long as she had to. You didn't want to make her wait and honestly, you didn't want to wait, yourself. But it a felt a little wrong, just moving on like you'd never been married. That was silly, though. You were in love with her before you even married Finn.

––––

The night you finally tell Quinn you want to be with her, you find yourselves a mess of tangled limbs in a tangled mess of sheets. She holds you close to her and you can't think of time where anything's felt more right. Everything's always felt right with her.

Your relationship with Quinn is fragile, it always has been. You think she's the only person on the earth who has the power to ultimately destroy you and break your heart.

But you trust her with everything you are.

––––

End.


End file.
